KELSEY GRAMMER AND ME
The man from Buckie
who works with fish
is out of water
on the flight home from Dublin.
He tells me that I’m the second most famous man
he’s ever met
after Kelsey Grammer
who he shared a table wIth
in New York City.
Such airy tales,
how am I to take them?
A very humble poet
flying out of his depth
to the safety of his own bed
after spreading his verse
all over Limerick
and Dublin.
Of course,
If I’d really sought success,
I wouldn’t be here now
in the blue and yellow of Ryanair
needing a can of Magners
to relax in the clouds
that befuddle my eyes
with the accumulated tears
of artistic failure.
I could also take it
as a compliment
that I am just like Frasier
all of a twitch
in the morning studio,
ready to land abruptly on the scary runway
of my trembling verse,
back in my own Newcastle
and the pitter patter of too many Geordies
too early on the razzle dazzle
in this shit-stained broon ale toon.
So thank you Mr Buckie man
for killing a good hour or so together in the air,
we made each other’s day.
And even if you
were seriously taking the piss,
I still hope you get to sleep,
up to your eyes in bleeding thistles
and dawn cargoes
of flying fish.
KEITH ARMSTRONG
Robert Lonsdale - You have expertly captured for posterity an hour long conversation that did not cease until the rotating carousel where the Buckie man continued on his way chuffed to have met a famous international poet and where a splendid two days of poetry in the Emerald Isle came to a close but to be resumed. Nice one Doctor.
